i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
