I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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