Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
