Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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