Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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