I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
