coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
