i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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