Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize