I heard we made out
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
