This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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