rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
