Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
