I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
