just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
