Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
