i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
