Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize