Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
