So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
