I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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