I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
