i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
