New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Found your dick twin last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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