but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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