so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
