You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
40s are totally the cure
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
