If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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