I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
