I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
