my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
