I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
