So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
