man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
