I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize