I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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