But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
