what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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