im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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