You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
