oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
