sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
