I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize