There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
