Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the raccoons are back...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
