you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
