I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
