I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
