I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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