i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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