He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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