Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
