But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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