He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
