I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
