Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
