Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
