Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
