Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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