There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
