uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
