Having a random hookup so left but love u
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have demons in me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
