I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
