I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
