Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize