Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
