We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
