u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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