i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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