All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
youre lurking in front of me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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