One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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