We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need a burrito and a hug.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
