she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
