It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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