Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize