you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
