what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
