I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
