the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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